KISS MY ASS!

watch your step if you dare risk getting closer to me.

drawing the line




so today i went out with Lina, the girl in pink^
(ps. this picture was taken a long time ago)
we went to eat MacD.
Then went to 'Art Friends' since Lina wanted to buy some stuff.
I was so elated when i entered the shop.
It was full of................................................ awesome!!
(yes, it was my first time going there so shut up)
& suddenly i felt so 'semangat' for art & i thought back, "why didn't i give my best for my canvas with Lisa?"
But what the hell.

Met Elfy & we walked around Orchard.
Ate at Swensens. :))))))))) hehehe yummy chicken baked rice!! 
Thank you Lina ♥
Ugh i want that shoe for school!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
Maybe i'm gonna get.
But most probably not tmrw since my mum is asleep right now & i bet she won't leave me money for the shoe 'cause i didn't get to talk to her abt it. Ugh
Um so yeah, i guess that's all.
& i think everyone should get shoes from 'LeftFoot' 
LOL because the shoes there are awesome
ugh i don't feel good.
goodnight ♥



Saturday, July 16, 2011

 10:10 PM

got no idea




i can't wait for school to end! :))
& there was a wellington reunion yesterday.
& only 6 people came. how pathetic is that.
But it was a well-spent day!
played frisbee under the fucking hot sun,
jumped on some bouncy thingy
then flew kites, & ate awesome brownies & nuggets! :))
laid on a mat & looked at the fluffy clouds.
In the evening we watched the kites light up in the sky
It was really cool.


^ a picture of us, oh & Ain was the one who took the picture :))

Then today Nad was fasting, to pay back.
I felt like i was fasting too, all because of her.
Ate nasi ayam merah for 'buka' at d'Rubinah :)) yum.
i swear i'd lick the whole plate if nobody was there.

Fasting month is coming soon.
& i'm not done with art & i don't know where's my freaking edusave form ughsgfazghzeth



Sunday, July 10, 2011

 9:09 PM

kiss me gently



So it's the last week of the June holidays.
i don't remember what homework i've got.
Except for one, history. Have to do it online.
But um........ i don't think any of my history classmates did it.
LOL
if you guys did, great job! :D
so okay.
i argued with (insert name here) again. again again again
Ugh. erghetsjr6yijxgfh

But seriously lah, confirm you guys will feel upset if the person you love never try to make time for you right?
Okay, i was at fault too, for asking too much questions.
But i still got rights to get mad, because i was looking forward to it!
Then you're there chill chill, like nothing's wrong
FYL
why am i still holding on to you in the first place?!
you can go ahead & love whichever bitch you want
IDGAF

& don't expect me to apologize or talk to you first
it's YOU who's suppose to apologise to me first
because you hurt me so much already
don't " CB SINCE WHEN SIA I HURT HER??! "
fuck you i can name down all the shit you've done to me k




Thursday, June 23, 2011

 3:16 PM

A wish








When i'm 16, i'm gonna work. Maybe as a waitress. Or maybe something better.
& then the money i'm gonna use it to treat my parents at a very expensive restaurant.
I will be there to watch them enjoy & be happy.
I'll buy them lots of nice things.
I'll start to plan my life. I'll start to plan where i'll go.

When i'm 17, i'll plan more for my life. I'll treat my parents again,
but this time i won't be there. It'll be a date for them.

When i'm 18, i'll have enough money.
Enough money for what? To go overseas. Alone.
I'll go somewhere, it's not planned yet. Just somewhere far.
I'll disappear for awhile.
To calm this mind of mine.
& then i'll come back, a new me.



Wednesday, June 15, 2011

 11:50 PM





Bersabar ki, bersabar.
Her thoughts are no longer your concern.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

 3:09 PM

ignorance is your new bestfriend



so today i had my art - 3 hours.
it was okay, i guess.
skipped maths remedial & there's maths paper 1 tmrw. :/

Um, so i screwed up, again.
i made you gave up on me, again.
so i guess right now you won't care if somebody kidnaps me & i disappear for 45634 days.
But it's okay, i guess.
It is my fault. I deserve all this.
Hate me all you want, you said you don't care anymore.
So why should i?

Screw this.
2 more papers left & EXAMS WILL BE FINALLY OVER! ;)
& holidays are coming sooon.
yeaaah baby.
Gonna go crazy during the holidays. Ahaha.
Gonna go m.i.a , then not m.i.a
on of, on of.
Okay, something like that.

you're the only guy i feel comfortable with & i don't know why.
Sometimes i curse you & all, but i swear after that i wish i could take them all back.
I know i make you feel like i don't trust you,
& i keep bugging you with my stupid questions.
But i've told you what had happened to me 'till it was hard for me to trust someone again.
But i guess you still don't understand me.
& maybe you'll never will.
This hurts me, but what's the point?
It's too late for me to say all this to you.
But i just wanna tell you that i enjoyed my time spent with you.
It was fun, & exciting.. & fun.
Ha, y'know what i mean. ;)
i wish we could do it again, but i guess we can't anymore.
I don't want you to be mad at me forever, but that is one thing i can't stop you from doing.
So yeah. Have a great life ahead.
xoxo





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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

 4:02 PM

walking on sunshine




Hello there! :)
So today i went out with Naddy & Saiful.
it was fun, i missed them.
So we went to Northpoint to get mother's day gift for my mum & Saiful's.
We were at Mini Toons & the lady there was like,
" BUY THIS LAH $25 ONLY CAN HELP MASSAGE YOUR MUM & IT'S VERY NICE!! "
'cause that thing's vibrating & all.
& she kept talking & talking & she told us that she bought 3 of that thing for her aunt, her other aunt & lastly her mum.. like i care.
Then Nad, Saiful & the lady talked like as if they were long lost friends who's not met for like 523462 years.


See that thing up there that i'm holding?
That's what i bought for my mum for mother's day. :)
No it's not pathetic, stupid.
I know what my mum likes, so i got that for her. :P
So after that we went to Sembawang, the playground at the 3rd level.
it felt great being there, it was where me & my parents bonded. Ha.
We started taking pictures & talked about our primary school days. :)
Then Wali came & so the phrase goes, " the more the merrier. "
LOL that's stupid.


So we continued taking pictures & all.
The playground was as usual, SHAKY.
But it's still standing. Hahaha.
The sky was beautiful, like always.
Decided to go home since Naddy had to.
I went to the mrt to topup my card using all the money i'm left with to pay my library fines so that i could borrow books ..
& when i reached the library IT WAS FUCKING CLOSED.
So i went home feeling %$@#$!@ .
Decided to give my mother's day gift to my mum since i was too excited to see how she'll react when she sees it.
& then she was like, " EH CANTIK NYE CUTE NYE MAMA SUKE! "
no the way she said wasn't sarcastic, it's just the way i typed it.
Hee! So yeah.
ate dinner. talked abt the elections ohmygod. -.-
i don't even understand a thing but nevermind.
So yeah, that's all for today. & i enjoyed today. ♥
Oh and ..

NADIA INSYIRAH it's okay i don't mind you being busy with your studies. I'm sorry for being so fucked up just because of that. & thank you. i enjoyed myself today & i hope you did too. :) love ya. ♥

ZAWIR told me to blog about him. Um, haha honestly my otak blank right now but i'll try lah k.
Um, i think he's my primary school senior, i'm not sure.
I met him that day when I went to USS with Lina & the rest. SOMBONG SIA MUKE. TAK TAWU NAK SENYUM PULAK TU. chey hahahahhaa !
So i ignored him lah. Tknk tegur. :P
Then we ate dinner at MacD's.
He sat at the table beside me & Lina.
I asked his friend for his name.
Then i asked for his, & he was like " you don't recognise me?! "
in my head i was like " i know you...? "
LOL that's stupid but yes.
Then so after that otw home we were friendlier & we kept disturbing each other. -.-
& now i think i owe him ben & jerry's & idk SINCE WHEN ALSO
but idk whether he's serious abt the ben & jerry's or not. :P
so yeah. Itu sahaja.
Don't say this post for you is short okay, blh tahan panjang tau !
hehe, mwah. :P

bye. ♥






Saturday, May 7, 2011

 9:39 PM

tired



so mid-years have already started.
but i feel like i'm not taking anything seriously.
it's like .. lantak ah. who the hell cares.
like that.
Don't tell me i mcm phm. FYL.
i feel so lost, so confused, so hurt & maybe a lil' neglected.
Nadia Insyirah, it's not your fault.
It's mid-year, you have to study.
i'm sorry i made you feel bad or however i made you feel.
i didn't mean to.
it's just that i really needed someone to make me happy at that point of time
& maybe right now too
But i know you're just busy
& the rest are too.
Honestly, i was really upset when you kept saying you were gonna study study study
Then i talk to Lina, she sometimes bbl mcm tknk layan
then she busy with Wanie
Always Wanie. Then me? right i'm not Wanie.
Nk kate cemburu, blh jugak.
(Sometimes i think that people avoid me because i'm taller than them then they're embarrassed to be walking with/beside me.
YES, I DO THINK LIKE THAT.)
then dh mcm lupe kwn smue
then i sedih lah. Mcm mane tk sedih kan.
Imagine you tgh sakit hati rabak, then you really dont know what to do
then you talk to your friend that you syg
then they bbl mcm she's in her own world gytu, mcm tknk lyn you
then you talk to your other friend, ajak her kluar,
cause you really need a happy moment with her cause y'know she's the only person who can understand you really well
then she keep saying she tk blh she blajar
every single time
but i understand lah its mid-years, so i tknk kecik hati abt that
i knw you wanna do well, & i hope you will
so yeah.
thats why now i have 2 new close friends
it's not that i replace you ke ape, i will never do that
but its just that tkkn i nk dudok diam & suffer in silence
i really had to spill out everything to someone
& lagy2 they're my schl mates & they've got problems too
so we shared & stuff
& we 're like the forever alone gang who usually go solo
bcause yg lain dh mcm drift apart from us
& we cant do anything abt it right now
dont worry our friendship will never end
i still cherish you
you're my bestfriend
but right now i'm really lost & hurt
& i don't think i care abt anything anymore
it's not really because of you & lina
(i bet lina doesn't knw abt this either.)
i guess you should knw who, but if you dont, i'll tell you soon.
all i can say is that i was left hanging, just like that.
& right now i'm lost. really lost. i only smile & laugh when my 'friends' are there.
but when it's me alone, it's a different thing.
i bet y'know how that feels.
so yeah. i feel like i've fallen apart, like really fall apart.
i don't knw what to do anymore.
i hope you understand.
don't worry, i'm still me no matter what.
i'll just be a lil' more quiet.
♥♥♥

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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

 6:59 PM

broken wings



why must you lie to me?
why must you use me like that?
why must you argue back when you're actually in the wrong?
so much questions i want to ask.
it's filling up my head & i can't take it any longer.
you're the most cold-hearted person i've ever met.
you actually don't care, but why did you have to pretend?
WHY ?!
you know i'm fragile, i'm emotional
but why did you just go ahead & hurt me?
you think it's fun?
I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE THIS.
you hurt me so bad.
all your promises & words are EMPTY!!
I TRUSTED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART !!
& you took that advantage & stepped over me.
WHAT ARE YOU? AN ANIMAL? DON'T YOU HAVE A HEART?
i've got no more fucking tears to shed anymore for you.
it's not worth it, for a pathetic heartless liar like you.
if you read this, you don't text me saying thank you for showing my true colours.
you hurt me too much. i've been in so much pain, & it's because of you. :'(
now i know your true colours.
you use people, & throw them aside when you're done with them.
THAT'S YOUR TRUE COLOURS.
fuck you :'(
you know i'm in so much pain.
& yet you left me hanging.
fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.
i don't wanna care about you anymore.
it hurts me so much to say this.
but after what you did to me,
i don't care anymore.




Monday, April 25, 2011

 6:41 PM

you just don't understand



omfg you stupid dumbass. you ci to the fucking bai.
WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS RUIN MY MOOD WHEN I'M AT THE HAPPIEST?
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.

lol i'm not talking about Clarissa, i'm talking about my dad.
Yes, my dad.
Now you don't go on & tell me how heartless i am for saying this about my dad.
You're nobody to tell me that.
If you're planning to or you're telling how ungrateful i am towards my dad to that friend beside you,
FUCK OFF, will you?
Stop being such a dick.
Be in my shoes & maybe you'll know how i feel.

k this is not what the post is suppose to be about.
Let's start.
Mid-year's coming soon.
& i don't even know a single shit about physics!!!
& then.. there's the drama.
friends. school. friends.
why are we like this, i wonder.
This year, so much drama, so much gossip, so much betraying, so much backstabbing, so much talking behind the back & so much more.
Kinda like some show on tv.
*sigh
when will all these ever end?
i'm no longer gonna be two-faced anymore.
i'll delete those who i don't like in my life.
if i don't talk to you, then i'm sorry.
you guys made me do this.




Wednesday, March 23, 2011

 7:42 PM

butterfly fly away




Sometimes i wonder, am i doing okay?
i feel like a loner.
After what i've heard, i don't know who to trust anymore.
who to turn to. who to talk things to.

yes, i am sensitive. You know me.
you know me for 2 years & 3 months already.
Sometimes i take things personally.
Sometimes i take things to heart.
But you already know that.
& you guys tried to change me.
what d'you think i am?
i am not a monster for you to experiment on, okay?
i am emotional, sensitive & fragile.
you guys know that, so DEAL WITH IT.
if you can't & you think i'm too much & i can't take those stupid motherfucking jokes of yours,
then BREAK OUR FRIENDSHIP.
i don't wanna live with people who don't care about my feelings.
sorry i'm not perfect.
why am i even apologizing? God made me this way.
THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS.

don't tell me, " no joke no fun! "
fuck your fun, go screw you own dad & then tell me how fun it was.




Friday, March 11, 2011

 7:43 PM

fuck this shit




i have this feeling.

i'm in love, & it hurts so much. But whenever he smiles & hugs me, all my problems melt away.
i don't wanna be in love.
but i just am. & i can't help it.

i need a break from life.



Sunday, February 27, 2011

 10:41 PM

moving on




i won't let myself fall anymore
& if i ever do, i'll pick myself up
i'll never show how weak i am anymore
i'll be the happiest
i'll keep on laughing until my cheek hurts
i'll smile to people more
i'll be the happiest
i won't give a fuck about whatever people think of me anymore
because it's their brains that they're using
Thank God it's not mine
i'll block out crap out of my head
i'll take in positivity
i'll be the happiest
Even if i feel like crying
i'll still smile & say that i'm okay
i'll be more patient than ever
i'll smile
even if deep down i'm in agony & full of sorrow

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Friday, February 25, 2011

 7:32 PM

the truth




Sometimes you feel like you screwed up
you feel like your whole world is falling apart
you heart starts aching
because you've got regrets
you wish you could take it all back
you wish you could go back to the past
& undo your mistakes
But you know you can't do that
because there's no such thing as time machines
& all you can do is cry your heart out
shutting yourself from the amazing world
that you've not met yet
But what's the point
of being miserable all the time
what's the point
of letting your heart get hurt all the time
you wish a prince charming will rescue you
from all the pain & sorrow
but that's a step from impossible
you can't let yourself be like this
you've let yourself suffer too much
you gotta start smiling to the world
& show 'em how strong you can be
even though deep down you're falling apart
& maybe those who are also in the same boat as you
will look up to you & say
" what a strong person. "
& you won't know, you might be the one
who is actually brightening up their lives
& when you take a step back
to see what good deed you've done
you'll finally realize
you yourself is an amazing person
& your heart will stop aching
because you know
you've stopped another person
from being the person who
they don't wanna be.




Wednesday, February 23, 2011

 8:47 PM

Common Test 1 is over :)




So that's my class up there ^ 3A3 / Hope 3-3.
After our 4D3N camp at the Malaysia Eco Farm.
i miss camp. like " why so sudden.. " right? i know.
Anyway, common test 1 is finally over. :))
i hope everyone will get good marks, esp my class!
hee. Physics paper was like #@$#@* ??!!
Math was ............
& today was art/f&n/POA.
Art was craaaaaazy.
Had to draw a bird. Pelican? i don't know.
it was like, " okay, 5 more minutes..."
& we were like, " what ?! "
okay, maybe not we. Maybe only me & Lal.
So yeah.


I WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
you're like the weather.
you can be as angry as a hurricane storm.
as cool as a breezy saturday morning.
as sad as the pouring rain.
Are you like having your period or what?
wait, i don't think so.
'Cause every single day you're like that.
I MISS LAUGHING & LAUGHING & LAUGHING WITH YOU.
but what's the point of saying it.
it's pointless.
It's like, every day it's getting worse.
i just wish i could go back to 2009.
When everything was perfect.
Well, not perfect but all smiles & always happy. :')
xoxo


 4:52 PM

common tests fffffffu




So english & mother tongue common test will be tomorrow. TOMORROW. Piece of cake, right? Okay, more like fuck this shit my malay is horrible. i think i'm gonna go study lateron. Study what, i also don't know. Peribahasa lah. what else right. i feel like an idiot talking to myself.. oh, & TODAY IS THE MOST BORING-EST DAY IN SCHOOL EVER. i don't know why. So gonna be busy the whole week. Common tests. Last-minute studying. Lepak skejap. So yeah. Baaaai. ♥

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Thursday, February 17, 2011

 8:33 PM

live it up




school -- LJS -- Library -- home.
it's starting to be the usual routine for ' us ' right now.
& i never fail to buy the Hershey choco cream pie at LJS.
i think i'll get diabetes soon. i've been taking too much sweet stuff.
i hate physics 'cause i don't understand a single shit
most probably because i never pay attention in physics.
my fault, yes.
& i thought 2011 will be awesome
but no, the starting of it is NOT.
Guys, let's just make-up kiss kiss & forgive each other, could we?
but i can't. i just sit there smiling sweetly but inside i'm in agony.
i'm all alone right now. always, again, forever.
OK CUT THE CRAP LITTLE NYONYA'S ON AT SURIA BYE. ♥
xoxo


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

 6:50 PM

Hallucinations



So, my blog's really dead. Nobody's reading it, even me. i just do all the typing.
Common tests are fucking next week. i'm tired. i'm really really tired. of what?
everything.

i can't stop pretending
i can't stop running away from the truth



Friday, February 11, 2011

 8:26 PM

runaway.




i'm running on an uneven path
the air is cold & i'm shivering
the sky is turning grey
the sounds of happy birds chirping are no longer there
i'm all alone
i look behind
the monsters are catching up
i'm afraid
they hurt me emotionally
i start to cry
thinking about the past
i don't know where to go
i can hear my heart thumping
like as if it's in my ears
my heart is aching, slowly breaking
i'm all alone
suddenly i trip & fall
my head hits a rock
i start to bleed
i start crying even more
i probably look like a baby
crying & crying
the monsters see me
they start pointing & laughing at me
i close my eyes
& listen to my heart
beating slower & slower each second




Tuesday, February 1, 2011

 8:56 PM

far far away




i bet nobody's reading my blog anymore.
since it's totally dead.
currently at Clar's place.
school's gonna start soon.
boo. now i wish the holidays can be extended or something.
so yeah.
currently super bored right now.
fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffucking bored.
k bai.


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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

 4:57 PM
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